WARNING: Photo below of my swollen toes. It's gross, it's weird and it's painful AND, it's 'normal' for me. For those who think, "That dude isn't in much pain", well you have toes like this, and see how well you fare...
You or one, has no choice but to walk on them, I can't walk on my knees or hands.
So I sucked it up. Years ago I slept for years. From like 2003-2006 or so, every day, got up, let the dog out, ate some breakfast, let the dog in, crawled back into bed. Woke up in the afternoon, let the dog out, got something to eat, showered, then took the dog for a walk, came home, went back to bed, got up close to supper time, let the dog out, made supper, ate, hung out for a while, watched a movie or some TV, went to bed. Repeat. I did have physiotherapy twice a week during all this and I did get out a lil further now and then, to some concerts, with some friends, but I slept and slept. When I slept I didn't feel pain and it was a relief... Mind you, there are plenty of times I wake up screaming. Past girlfriends alerted me to this anomaly.
But I woke up one day and really 'woke up'. I couldn't do this with my life... So I started to walk, sometimes when I was walking, I'd be just looking at the ground going by and I'd be thinking, 'maybe I should just lay down here and rest, just to take a load off my feet for a while'.
Alita - my husky, kept me going, there was so much that turned out to be so serendipitous around the time that my arthritis kicked in... Where I lived, right next to my doc, the pharmacy, the hospital, getting Alita, who I obviously had a responsibility to take care of, huskies need exercise (all animals do) and she was mine and no one else was gonna do it, so she was a major 'crutch' in my life that made me get out nearly every single day, rain or shine....
Yeah, love this weather, although at least it hasn't really rained today. I woke up and something felt weird when I put on my slippers... It's a familiar feeling, it's like for some reason all my toes feel like they are taped together, that shoes that fit yesterday don't quite fit today...
In 2009.. maybe it was 2010, I can't really remember now, but several toes on my left foot were completely fucked. One as I say was 'corkscrewed' like a pigs tail, I finally got my doctor to refer me to a orthopedic surgeon, who, just happened to be in the same building as my GP, again with that serendipity. I was told it'd be up to 6-7 months before I'd get the work done on my toes. The 'work' was to 'straighten' my toes. The professional term was a 'total reconstruction' of 4 toes.
So about 4 months later I came home to a message on the phone from the surgeons office and they said that in two days I'd be in for surgery and I was like, 'Whooa! wait a sec, lol, I need more mental time to freak myself out over this!'... But then they called back and said they'd made a mistake and that a woman who was supposed to have surgery, well they thought she wanted to cancel her surgery, but in the end, they had messed up and she didn't want to cancel at all, in fact she had family coming to help support her after it was done. So, they said because they had psyched me out, that I'd get the next available surgery date, which was like a week or so later.
So, I went in for the surgery. It's quite hard to explain, but they straightened my toes by cutting a wedge out of four of the toe joints on my left foot and then inserting a bar and a bunch of screws they 'cinched' it all together...
They put me under of course and when I woke up, it was about an hour or two and the anesthetic wore off. I thought I knew pain well, but this was a whole new level. I wanted to get a stick of wood to bite down on... I couldn't sleep... I went through a few days of this and the screws and gadgets were in my toes for about a month or so.
Sorry, but this is my reality, it's ingrained in my databanks:
That op helped quite a bit and when I went to my surgeon for the follow up, he said that my right foot should also be done, but it wasn't "bad enough yet"... Hey man, well that's pretty great for him to say, he hasn't had to walk on my feet or feel my toes. You tell me, does this look like a 'normal' set of toes?
And no, that's not athletes foot, it's psoriasis.... For years I have had 'Psoriatic Arthritis' but didn't have Psoriasis, then, a few years ago I developed the psoriasis, guess it was a 'bonus prize' eh?
I'm missing both of my big toenails due to the arthritic effect. My big toenails became so warped and distorted that they removed them... permanently... This is why I wear socks a lot, even with sandals because I'm pretty self conscious about my feet, though over the last couple Summer's I've been in a 'fuck it' kinda mood and have left my toes and feet exposed to the World... Like anyone would say anything....
On my left foot, the toes that were all warped and the one that was like a 'corkscrew' is starting to warp again. I asked my asshole of a rheumatologist about this and he said it was because the surgeon did a "shitty job"... This guy, the rheumatologist is such a dickhead, most of the city, and his colleagues included, dislike him. I've never in my whole time with this disease encountered a 'care giver' who didn't care. Now don't get me wrong here, I don't wanna be held and coddled but c'mon, you gotta at least have some inkling of care in your heart to be working with people who are mostly suffering from a great deal of pain.
There's really no other rheumatologists in Fredericton anymore, last time I was at the 'nurse practitioners' she was saying, "Well, it's him or Saint John" and there's no way I'm busing it to SJ and back just to see a rheumatologist... So I'm back on the waiting list for Doctor Dickhead.
Funny, since writing this out, a lot of the swelling in my toes have gone down, maybe this is good cathartic energy I'm throwing out here by writing this down....
And no pity please, just send money... lots of big 'Ol fat stinky greasy dollar bills.... And if those are like $100 or $1000. dollar bills, well hey, good one you!
You or one, has no choice but to walk on them, I can't walk on my knees or hands.
So I sucked it up. Years ago I slept for years. From like 2003-2006 or so, every day, got up, let the dog out, ate some breakfast, let the dog in, crawled back into bed. Woke up in the afternoon, let the dog out, got something to eat, showered, then took the dog for a walk, came home, went back to bed, got up close to supper time, let the dog out, made supper, ate, hung out for a while, watched a movie or some TV, went to bed. Repeat. I did have physiotherapy twice a week during all this and I did get out a lil further now and then, to some concerts, with some friends, but I slept and slept. When I slept I didn't feel pain and it was a relief... Mind you, there are plenty of times I wake up screaming. Past girlfriends alerted me to this anomaly.
But I woke up one day and really 'woke up'. I couldn't do this with my life... So I started to walk, sometimes when I was walking, I'd be just looking at the ground going by and I'd be thinking, 'maybe I should just lay down here and rest, just to take a load off my feet for a while'.
Yeah, love this weather, although at least it hasn't really rained today. I woke up and something felt weird when I put on my slippers... It's a familiar feeling, it's like for some reason all my toes feel like they are taped together, that shoes that fit yesterday don't quite fit today...
In 2009.. maybe it was 2010, I can't really remember now, but several toes on my left foot were completely fucked. One as I say was 'corkscrewed' like a pigs tail, I finally got my doctor to refer me to a orthopedic surgeon, who, just happened to be in the same building as my GP, again with that serendipity. I was told it'd be up to 6-7 months before I'd get the work done on my toes. The 'work' was to 'straighten' my toes. The professional term was a 'total reconstruction' of 4 toes.
So about 4 months later I came home to a message on the phone from the surgeons office and they said that in two days I'd be in for surgery and I was like, 'Whooa! wait a sec, lol, I need more mental time to freak myself out over this!'... But then they called back and said they'd made a mistake and that a woman who was supposed to have surgery, well they thought she wanted to cancel her surgery, but in the end, they had messed up and she didn't want to cancel at all, in fact she had family coming to help support her after it was done. So, they said because they had psyched me out, that I'd get the next available surgery date, which was like a week or so later.
So, I went in for the surgery. It's quite hard to explain, but they straightened my toes by cutting a wedge out of four of the toe joints on my left foot and then inserting a bar and a bunch of screws they 'cinched' it all together...
They put me under of course and when I woke up, it was about an hour or two and the anesthetic wore off. I thought I knew pain well, but this was a whole new level. I wanted to get a stick of wood to bite down on... I couldn't sleep... I went through a few days of this and the screws and gadgets were in my toes for about a month or so.
Sorry, but this is my reality, it's ingrained in my databanks:
That op helped quite a bit and when I went to my surgeon for the follow up, he said that my right foot should also be done, but it wasn't "bad enough yet"... Hey man, well that's pretty great for him to say, he hasn't had to walk on my feet or feel my toes. You tell me, does this look like a 'normal' set of toes?
I'm missing both of my big toenails due to the arthritic effect. My big toenails became so warped and distorted that they removed them... permanently... This is why I wear socks a lot, even with sandals because I'm pretty self conscious about my feet, though over the last couple Summer's I've been in a 'fuck it' kinda mood and have left my toes and feet exposed to the World... Like anyone would say anything....
On my left foot, the toes that were all warped and the one that was like a 'corkscrew' is starting to warp again. I asked my asshole of a rheumatologist about this and he said it was because the surgeon did a "shitty job"... This guy, the rheumatologist is such a dickhead, most of the city, and his colleagues included, dislike him. I've never in my whole time with this disease encountered a 'care giver' who didn't care. Now don't get me wrong here, I don't wanna be held and coddled but c'mon, you gotta at least have some inkling of care in your heart to be working with people who are mostly suffering from a great deal of pain.
There's really no other rheumatologists in Fredericton anymore, last time I was at the 'nurse practitioners' she was saying, "Well, it's him or Saint John" and there's no way I'm busing it to SJ and back just to see a rheumatologist... So I'm back on the waiting list for Doctor Dickhead.
Funny, since writing this out, a lot of the swelling in my toes have gone down, maybe this is good cathartic energy I'm throwing out here by writing this down....
And no pity please, just send money... lots of big 'Ol fat stinky greasy dollar bills.... And if those are like $100 or $1000. dollar bills, well hey, good one you!
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