MISSING!!!! URGENT!!!

If you live in the Lincoln, Oromocto, Geary/Waterville area and have seen our garbage cans, please let us know so we can come pick them up. They are probably lonely, cold and confused as they've never really been out of our yard. Just a note on the left garbage can, it can be a little sketchy, so approach with caution and whatever you do, just don't blink at it, it'll tear your throat out....

JESUS CHRIST MONEKYBALLS it's cold out! WHAT THE FUCK??? -27 tonight???

This is insanity! BUT! I know what's going on!

Here's my theory!
 Our local power company, NB Power was recently stopped by the province, they wanted to increase are already crazy heating fees, but the government said "NO!" (for once).... So my theory is that NB Power has conspired with 'HAARP' the global weather changing machine based in Alaska, to change our weather, making it bitterly cold early, so that we all turn on our heaters earlier and higher than usual. thus making them the money they want!!!
I'm pretty sure Jesse Ventura would look into this case!!