"Chris? Why are you such an idiot?".....
Ok, they do ask that.... infrequently... Ok, no one's ever asked me that... But they probably are thinking it right?
No, but really, people frequently ask me, "How do you cope?" - Meaning, with my arthritis pain, how have I survived.
Someone asked me this today. A lot of my friends are reaching that fine age where bodies begin to fall apart, sometimes, even if you're trying your hardest for it not to happen, it's happening. Old injuries come back to haunt most people. Sprains, breaks, fractures rear their ugly heads as osteoarthritis and they know as I know, it's not fun. My friend today was like, "I can't figure it out, I used to be able to run up stairs, now I can't, I have aches and pains, my knees going out, but I can't figure it out". I said, "Man, it's really simple... We're getting old".... But for me, my pains begin much much earlier in life....
When I was 26 years of age and had been working for Electronic Arts for only a year or so, during the companies big move, from their old HQ to their massive state of the art "campus" in Burnaby (about a block away from the house I rented), my feet started to hurt.
Let's take a journey into the past for a spell.... When I was first hired by EAC I was in the Quality Assurance department or QA. A game tester. Not long after getting hired, I wanted to do something more for EA, it was a relatively 'young' company (on the verge of becoming a corporate monster) and there was room to move and at 26, I didn't feel being a game tester, as fun as it was (and trust me, it's a LOT more than just 'playing video games' all day), it wasn't something that I wanted to make a career out of.
So I searched around and found that Electronic Arts had a motion capture studio. I didn't even know what 'Motion Capture' was, but after some research, I thought, 'Wow, this is damn cool new technology, there doesn't seem to be any schooling for this, so I'm gonna go for it and try to get in'.
* For the record, according to Wikipedia: Motion capture (Mo-cap for short) is the process of recording the movement of objects or people. It is used in military, entertainment, sports, medical applications, and for validation of computer vision[2] and robotics. In filmmaking and video game development, it refers to recording actions of human actors, and using that information to animate digital character models in 2D or 3D computer animation
At that time, in 1998, the founder and World Wide studios president was Don Mattrick. A guy who started making video games for his friends and was soon bought up by a company from Redwood City, California called Electronic Arts. Also at this time, Don's mom was the head of the Human Resources dept at EAC. I should note and probably not of great interest to many on the East Coast here, but Don and the Mattricks were born and raised in Burnaby, British Columbia, where I made my home for near 20yrs.
Mrs. Mattrick would sometimes come around to QA and see if there were any people 'worthy', smart enough, talented enough to be useful somewhere else in the company and no, I didn't think I was ANY of those things, but I just wanted to learn something. Having no 'formal' education, in anything, all I ever could do for a place I wanted to work, was take a chance, go in and be honest and tell them, 'I really have no experience, but I want to learn and I like to learn'
I had told my friends in QA that I was going to meet with Mrs. Mattrick and see about getting into QA, to which some friends who'd been there a while were like, "Pfft good luck dude, she just comes down here to humor us, we're and you're going nowhere else in this company".... I wasn't dissuaded by this at all and met with Mrs. Mattrick.
Now, some might call this cheating. I've got a grade 9 education, I had worked in the music industry, I had most fortunately, through Mike Fields, who is the MOST talented fucker I know, got in working at the make up FX shop that did work on The X-Files and Millennium.. Really? I had no business being there, that kinda 'art' isn't MY world, but I'm a quick learner and Lindala Make Up Effects owner and artist Toby Lindala was kind and gracious enough to give me the opportunity to work there. So, when I left his shop, I had "The X-Files" on my resume. This was THE biggest television show on the planet at one point and truth be told, when I applied to Electronic Arts Quality Assurance, I didn't even own a console, I didn't play video games, I barely had been in an arcade in like 10/15 years, but when I showed them my 'X-Files' portfolio, BAM, I was in. Fair? I dunno, we did work fucking hard, almost 7 days a week, 365 days a year for years. I had worked my ass off, we all did.
So, when I met with Mrs. Mattrick, I threw down the 'ol 'X-Files' portfolio and she hit the roof, she phoned the motion capture department head, Evan Hirsch and said, "Evan, YOU HAVE to meet this guy!"... So within a couple of days, I had a meeting set up with Evan Hirsch, the director of the Electronic Arts World Wide Studios motion capture dept.
When my friends in QA found this out, they were like, "Ohhhh dude! Evan?? Evan Hirsch?? He is going to cut you up, chew on you and spit you out on the floor".... And again, I wasn't put off by this.
Evan is a great guy, he's a Jewish dude who grew up in Jersey and when speaking to Evan, you are in an argument. That's his nature. At least I was warned beforehand.
I wasn't all that intimidated by Evan when we met, I had been yelled at by the Rolling Stones manager and threatened to be thrown off the roof of the Vancouver hotel. I had been yelled at on set in the film industry (It's a job people have in the industry, just to yell at people), I had been yelled at by my Mom for years... I wasn't scared of being "yelled at".
So I really hit it off with Evan and though I had NO experience whatsoever, Evan saw me as someone he could mold into what he wanted and I was totally down for it.
So, in 1998, at Christmas time, EA moved to it's new HQ. Now, being single, not having much family in Vancouver, I chose to be on the 'move crew' that through the Christmas holidays would tear down all the PCs and MACs in the old EA buildings, which were then moved to the new HQ and we on the 'move crew' set up all the computers. We got massive OT for this and got holiday times after a few months
This 'move crew' work demanded a LOT of walking and time on your feet and my feet started to hurt. After the new year I was hired onto the Motion Capture crew (I'll tell that whole story some other time)...
And that my friends is how it all started. Within 6 months, my feet had swollen up so huge I couldn't wear my shoes and I ended up in a wheelchair.
I have not had a moment where I've not been in pain since that time. I lost almost everything I was able to do, skateboarding, cycling, skiing and for a while walking. I ended up losing my career at EA. I lost a lot. But I also gained much. So much knowledge, so much faith in myself. There is NOTHING in life that makes you feel more alive than pain. Trust me, you really wake up when you're in pain.
The arthritis that began in my feet, spread to my knees, hips, back, elbows, fingers and, most shocking to me, to my jaw. These days, it might not look like I'm that bad off, but years ago, when my rheumatologist told me, "Chris, even if they cured your arthritis tomorrow, you'll be in pain for the rest of your life because of the damage that's been done."
I've had night splints, hand splints, finger splints, wheelchair, electric wheelchair, elbow crutches, crutches and canes... It's never ended and always seemed to get worse. Though in the last few years, from around 2012 to about mid way through 2015, I was doing pretty good. I think the move back home and the change from where I had been for many years helped a lot, but in the last two years, I've been progressively getting 'worse', which is kinda relative, considering how far I've come since I was 26 and stuck in a wheelchair.
But through it all, I was lucky to have such amazing support. Serendipity or fate or whatever, the place I had moved to in Burnaby when I worked in the film industry, was a block away from my General Practitioner, my pharmacist and the Burnaby General Hospital and THAT was my savior. The physiotherapy dept. at Burnaby gen, saved my life. I went to physio sometimes 3-4 days a week for treatment and it last for years, even when the Liberal government axed the outpatient physio program, the HEAD of the physio dept for the hospital treated me herself on her own time. I owe them everything and it always brings me to tears when I think about all the work and time they gave for me. And all those years paid off for me too, I was some help to them. Having been there so many years I had gained and retained so much knowledge and when 'newbies' arrived I was always willing to listen and help in any way I could. Sometimes, when you're in pain, all you need is someone to talk to, someone who understands EXACTLY what you're going through.
I spent many years alone in my own world of pain, I thought about dying, but of course I never could do that. I had my husky Alita and I had my kitty Piggey Sue, plus I had a family still, my Brother's, my Dad and my Mom. I had the best friends anyone could ever ask for. I had a roof over my head, I had food in my belly.
Sure I was and am in pain every waking second of the day and it's been this way for 18 years. 18 years of pain. I joked to my rheumatologist once that I wasn't sure I'd know what it would feel like to not feel pain. It hurts to walk, it hurts to sit, it hurts to bend over, it hurts to exist. BUT, I persist and i do exist. I live on. My life isn't over because of this.
Years ago, I was watching a documentary on the US' Navy Seals, some of the toughest hombres in the military world wide. One of the Seals was talking about pain and how they cope. That taught me something and it was to accept the pain and move past it. It'll be there, it'll always remind you, but you just push past it, because once you do, you can live again. That's why sometimes I refuse offers for drives or for help getting things. It's not gonna matter if I'm laying in bed or sitting in a chair or walking up the hill, the pain is still gonna be there, sometimes worse
Since my arthritis, I've continued to live, though I had many dark years... Crawling up the stairs, crawling to the bathroom, the shower's water hurting my feet as it hit them (That bit of knowledge brought my physio to tears when I told her).
The great years; I've been to Southern California on a trip by myself to see Iron Maiden 3 nights in a row. I've been to Egypt in 2010, just at the tip of the revolution that they went through. I've been on excursions to the US to Cuba.
I've had great adventures since my disability became part of me and that's another way I cope. I've accepted this, there's no medications I've tried that have really helped me and there is, as of now, no cure for psoriatic arthritis.
Plus, there's millions of people much worse off than I am.
How do I cope? How do I exist? I just do and I will keep on doing it until my last breath. My Father's told me before that I should be a speaker for those in pain and talk about my trials and tribulations, but I said it'd be a pretty short talk, because I just exist and keep on... I'm thankful for this life I've had, I've had so many amazing opportunities and experiences, I've been in love and had great relationships, I've traveled all across the continent of North America, from the Northern tip of New Mexico to the tiny village of 'Chicken', Alaska (yes, it's an actual place, lookit up!) From New York to San Francisco, from Nova Scotia to Victoria BC and all places within. I have very few regrets in my life, if anything, I wish I had tried harder in my music career in my youth. I sometimes feel fortunate I never married or had kids. Imagine the pain and suffering I would have brought upon my family, my wife and kids, losing my livelihood.... God knows what kind of nightmare that would have been.
The band's I've played in, the music I've helped create, the friends and fans, the film industry, Electronic Arts. I've been so very very fortunate, maybe this 'disease' came to slow me down lol... Who knows, but just remember if you live with new pain, it's not the end, it's just the beginning and you could always, always be in a worse place. Don't whine about it, anywhere, it gets very tiring for family and friends to hear about it all the time, they know, they love you, it's ok to say it once in a while, like right now, my fucking back is killing me. You just have to suck it up and live, because you are alive on this tiny blue planet that is a miracle on it's own, it floats in this solar system that's in our galaxy and is part of the universe and even considering all that, know, YOU are NOT ALONE.
MUSIC: Music has kept me going through everything. It's been my family when I felt I didn't have one. It has ALWAYS been there for me. Always. Whenever the darkest times hit, music uplifted me. It took me by the hand and lead me out of despair and grief. Nothing has ever helped like music and since I was a child, it's always been there. Without my love for music, I just may have very well packed it in long ago. I can't figure out how people don't like music or it isn't a major part of their lives.
If I can be any kind of help to those in pain, if I can be some kind of light that someone can look at and learn from I'm more than happy to do so. I eat pain for breakfast, lunch and dinner...
Oh yeah, I am still an idiot.....
Ok, they do ask that.... infrequently... Ok, no one's ever asked me that... But they probably are thinking it right?
No, but really, people frequently ask me, "How do you cope?" - Meaning, with my arthritis pain, how have I survived.
Someone asked me this today. A lot of my friends are reaching that fine age where bodies begin to fall apart, sometimes, even if you're trying your hardest for it not to happen, it's happening. Old injuries come back to haunt most people. Sprains, breaks, fractures rear their ugly heads as osteoarthritis and they know as I know, it's not fun. My friend today was like, "I can't figure it out, I used to be able to run up stairs, now I can't, I have aches and pains, my knees going out, but I can't figure it out". I said, "Man, it's really simple... We're getting old".... But for me, my pains begin much much earlier in life....
When I was 26 years of age and had been working for Electronic Arts for only a year or so, during the companies big move, from their old HQ to their massive state of the art "campus" in Burnaby (about a block away from the house I rented), my feet started to hurt.
Let's take a journey into the past for a spell.... When I was first hired by EAC I was in the Quality Assurance department or QA. A game tester. Not long after getting hired, I wanted to do something more for EA, it was a relatively 'young' company (on the verge of becoming a corporate monster) and there was room to move and at 26, I didn't feel being a game tester, as fun as it was (and trust me, it's a LOT more than just 'playing video games' all day), it wasn't something that I wanted to make a career out of.
So I searched around and found that Electronic Arts had a motion capture studio. I didn't even know what 'Motion Capture' was, but after some research, I thought, 'Wow, this is damn cool new technology, there doesn't seem to be any schooling for this, so I'm gonna go for it and try to get in'.
* For the record, according to Wikipedia: Motion capture (Mo-cap for short) is the process of recording the movement of objects or people. It is used in military, entertainment, sports, medical applications, and for validation of computer vision[2] and robotics. In filmmaking and video game development, it refers to recording actions of human actors, and using that information to animate digital character models in 2D or 3D computer animation
At that time, in 1998, the founder and World Wide studios president was Don Mattrick. A guy who started making video games for his friends and was soon bought up by a company from Redwood City, California called Electronic Arts. Also at this time, Don's mom was the head of the Human Resources dept at EAC. I should note and probably not of great interest to many on the East Coast here, but Don and the Mattricks were born and raised in Burnaby, British Columbia, where I made my home for near 20yrs.
Mrs. Mattrick would sometimes come around to QA and see if there were any people 'worthy', smart enough, talented enough to be useful somewhere else in the company and no, I didn't think I was ANY of those things, but I just wanted to learn something. Having no 'formal' education, in anything, all I ever could do for a place I wanted to work, was take a chance, go in and be honest and tell them, 'I really have no experience, but I want to learn and I like to learn'
I had told my friends in QA that I was going to meet with Mrs. Mattrick and see about getting into QA, to which some friends who'd been there a while were like, "Pfft good luck dude, she just comes down here to humor us, we're and you're going nowhere else in this company".... I wasn't dissuaded by this at all and met with Mrs. Mattrick.
Now, some might call this cheating. I've got a grade 9 education, I had worked in the music industry, I had most fortunately, through Mike Fields, who is the MOST talented fucker I know, got in working at the make up FX shop that did work on The X-Files and Millennium.. Really? I had no business being there, that kinda 'art' isn't MY world, but I'm a quick learner and Lindala Make Up Effects owner and artist Toby Lindala was kind and gracious enough to give me the opportunity to work there. So, when I left his shop, I had "The X-Files" on my resume. This was THE biggest television show on the planet at one point and truth be told, when I applied to Electronic Arts Quality Assurance, I didn't even own a console, I didn't play video games, I barely had been in an arcade in like 10/15 years, but when I showed them my 'X-Files' portfolio, BAM, I was in. Fair? I dunno, we did work fucking hard, almost 7 days a week, 365 days a year for years. I had worked my ass off, we all did.
Part of The Lindala Make Up Effects crew: (LtoR) Ian Biggs, me, Row McGregor, Leanne Podavin, Special Dave Coughtry, Rachael Grifith, Mike Fields and of course that big guy, David Hasslehoff, who was in the shop for a facecast for the Fox TV production of 'Nick Fury'
So, when I met with Mrs. Mattrick, I threw down the 'ol 'X-Files' portfolio and she hit the roof, she phoned the motion capture department head, Evan Hirsch and said, "Evan, YOU HAVE to meet this guy!"... So within a couple of days, I had a meeting set up with Evan Hirsch, the director of the Electronic Arts World Wide Studios motion capture dept.
When my friends in QA found this out, they were like, "Ohhhh dude! Evan?? Evan Hirsch?? He is going to cut you up, chew on you and spit you out on the floor".... And again, I wasn't put off by this.
Evan is a great guy, he's a Jewish dude who grew up in Jersey and when speaking to Evan, you are in an argument. That's his nature. At least I was warned beforehand.
I wasn't all that intimidated by Evan when we met, I had been yelled at by the Rolling Stones manager and threatened to be thrown off the roof of the Vancouver hotel. I had been yelled at on set in the film industry (It's a job people have in the industry, just to yell at people), I had been yelled at by my Mom for years... I wasn't scared of being "yelled at".
So I really hit it off with Evan and though I had NO experience whatsoever, Evan saw me as someone he could mold into what he wanted and I was totally down for it.
So, in 1998, at Christmas time, EA moved to it's new HQ. Now, being single, not having much family in Vancouver, I chose to be on the 'move crew' that through the Christmas holidays would tear down all the PCs and MACs in the old EA buildings, which were then moved to the new HQ and we on the 'move crew' set up all the computers. We got massive OT for this and got holiday times after a few months
This 'move crew' work demanded a LOT of walking and time on your feet and my feet started to hurt. After the new year I was hired onto the Motion Capture crew (I'll tell that whole story some other time)...
Me in a MOCAP suit - The 'shinny balls' are picked up by infrared cameras which goes into a computer and comes out as a 'skeleton' that reflects whatever 'motion' the actor is doing...More or less, it's much much more refined today.
And that my friends is how it all started. Within 6 months, my feet had swollen up so huge I couldn't wear my shoes and I ended up in a wheelchair.
I have not had a moment where I've not been in pain since that time. I lost almost everything I was able to do, skateboarding, cycling, skiing and for a while walking. I ended up losing my career at EA. I lost a lot. But I also gained much. So much knowledge, so much faith in myself. There is NOTHING in life that makes you feel more alive than pain. Trust me, you really wake up when you're in pain.
The arthritis that began in my feet, spread to my knees, hips, back, elbows, fingers and, most shocking to me, to my jaw. These days, it might not look like I'm that bad off, but years ago, when my rheumatologist told me, "Chris, even if they cured your arthritis tomorrow, you'll be in pain for the rest of your life because of the damage that's been done."
I've had night splints, hand splints, finger splints, wheelchair, electric wheelchair, elbow crutches, crutches and canes... It's never ended and always seemed to get worse. Though in the last few years, from around 2012 to about mid way through 2015, I was doing pretty good. I think the move back home and the change from where I had been for many years helped a lot, but in the last two years, I've been progressively getting 'worse', which is kinda relative, considering how far I've come since I was 26 and stuck in a wheelchair.
But through it all, I was lucky to have such amazing support. Serendipity or fate or whatever, the place I had moved to in Burnaby when I worked in the film industry, was a block away from my General Practitioner, my pharmacist and the Burnaby General Hospital and THAT was my savior. The physiotherapy dept. at Burnaby gen, saved my life. I went to physio sometimes 3-4 days a week for treatment and it last for years, even when the Liberal government axed the outpatient physio program, the HEAD of the physio dept for the hospital treated me herself on her own time. I owe them everything and it always brings me to tears when I think about all the work and time they gave for me. And all those years paid off for me too, I was some help to them. Having been there so many years I had gained and retained so much knowledge and when 'newbies' arrived I was always willing to listen and help in any way I could. Sometimes, when you're in pain, all you need is someone to talk to, someone who understands EXACTLY what you're going through.
I spent many years alone in my own world of pain, I thought about dying, but of course I never could do that. I had my husky Alita and I had my kitty Piggey Sue, plus I had a family still, my Brother's, my Dad and my Mom. I had the best friends anyone could ever ask for. I had a roof over my head, I had food in my belly.
Sure I was and am in pain every waking second of the day and it's been this way for 18 years. 18 years of pain. I joked to my rheumatologist once that I wasn't sure I'd know what it would feel like to not feel pain. It hurts to walk, it hurts to sit, it hurts to bend over, it hurts to exist. BUT, I persist and i do exist. I live on. My life isn't over because of this.
Years ago, I was watching a documentary on the US' Navy Seals, some of the toughest hombres in the military world wide. One of the Seals was talking about pain and how they cope. That taught me something and it was to accept the pain and move past it. It'll be there, it'll always remind you, but you just push past it, because once you do, you can live again. That's why sometimes I refuse offers for drives or for help getting things. It's not gonna matter if I'm laying in bed or sitting in a chair or walking up the hill, the pain is still gonna be there, sometimes worse
Since my arthritis, I've continued to live, though I had many dark years... Crawling up the stairs, crawling to the bathroom, the shower's water hurting my feet as it hit them (That bit of knowledge brought my physio to tears when I told her).
The great years; I've been to Southern California on a trip by myself to see Iron Maiden 3 nights in a row. I've been to Egypt in 2010, just at the tip of the revolution that they went through. I've been on excursions to the US to Cuba.
I've had great adventures since my disability became part of me and that's another way I cope. I've accepted this, there's no medications I've tried that have really helped me and there is, as of now, no cure for psoriatic arthritis.
Plus, there's millions of people much worse off than I am.
How do I cope? How do I exist? I just do and I will keep on doing it until my last breath. My Father's told me before that I should be a speaker for those in pain and talk about my trials and tribulations, but I said it'd be a pretty short talk, because I just exist and keep on... I'm thankful for this life I've had, I've had so many amazing opportunities and experiences, I've been in love and had great relationships, I've traveled all across the continent of North America, from the Northern tip of New Mexico to the tiny village of 'Chicken', Alaska (yes, it's an actual place, lookit up!) From New York to San Francisco, from Nova Scotia to Victoria BC and all places within. I have very few regrets in my life, if anything, I wish I had tried harder in my music career in my youth. I sometimes feel fortunate I never married or had kids. Imagine the pain and suffering I would have brought upon my family, my wife and kids, losing my livelihood.... God knows what kind of nightmare that would have been.
The band's I've played in, the music I've helped create, the friends and fans, the film industry, Electronic Arts. I've been so very very fortunate, maybe this 'disease' came to slow me down lol... Who knows, but just remember if you live with new pain, it's not the end, it's just the beginning and you could always, always be in a worse place. Don't whine about it, anywhere, it gets very tiring for family and friends to hear about it all the time, they know, they love you, it's ok to say it once in a while, like right now, my fucking back is killing me. You just have to suck it up and live, because you are alive on this tiny blue planet that is a miracle on it's own, it floats in this solar system that's in our galaxy and is part of the universe and even considering all that, know, YOU are NOT ALONE.
MUSIC: Music has kept me going through everything. It's been my family when I felt I didn't have one. It has ALWAYS been there for me. Always. Whenever the darkest times hit, music uplifted me. It took me by the hand and lead me out of despair and grief. Nothing has ever helped like music and since I was a child, it's always been there. Without my love for music, I just may have very well packed it in long ago. I can't figure out how people don't like music or it isn't a major part of their lives.
If I can be any kind of help to those in pain, if I can be some kind of light that someone can look at and learn from I'm more than happy to do so. I eat pain for breakfast, lunch and dinner...
Sometimes it almost seems that songs were written for you. The Foo Fighter's 'Walk' is a prime example of how music has helped me get through my time with this disease... After I posted this, I watched it and realized this jackass got a whole bunch of the lyrics wrong... But, you'll git the gist.
Good words, Chris 💕😎 Keep on keepin' on!
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