Comes the 'pain'..... I don't like to talk about how I'm actually feeling too much..... Years ago, when I was going through the worst of this arthritic disease process, I used to bitch and moan about the pain, the agony of dragging this body around... And it got tiring, to myself and to my friends.
A few years ago now, my Brother's and I went to see my Dad and his partner Riet in Ontario. A couple of Riet's relatives were going through hard times with chronic pain and as everyone sat around, it turned into this 'pain 'fest' of these people talking about how miserable they felt and I was glad to sit back and not really say much. At the end, when those pain filled people had left, everyone talked about how exhausting it was to listen to that... I mean usually you wouldn't get all those people together maybe.
When I moved back here in 2012 I had worried for a while what people thought of me. My friends out West saw me go through some of the worst times in my entire life. Beaten into the earth, literally having to crawl upstairs, crawl to the bathroom... It was a horrible time and when I moved back here, I was in a much better place, I had my surgery on my left foot that reconstructed four of my toes. That had helped a great deal, my right foot still needs to be done, but I'll admit, I'm doing much better today than I was.
Or I was doing better. I've written already about what's happened health wise in the last year. It's been my worst year 'health wise' since I've moved back. Despite taking the time off from, well everything I was doing, I don't feel any better.... Well, a bit mentally better, but physically, no.
As much as I wouldn't want to blame my disease process on 'global warming', the temperature swings in the last year take their toll. That's what is happening tonight. The temps going from 0C to +10C or so tomorrow and I can feel it. The barometric pressure is the bitch, and those 'swings really hit me. I feel like I've been beat into the Earth.... I had this vision one time, that I was falling and the heat trailed behind me as I fell... Then when I saw the Lord Of the Rings Movie and the part where Gandalf is falling with the Belrog into the abyss, there's a shot of them falling into the 'inner earth' and the flames are what you see trailing, as they fall towards the inner lake.... That's how I feel. Beaten by the Balrog and falling infinitely...
A few years ago now, my Brother's and I went to see my Dad and his partner Riet in Ontario. A couple of Riet's relatives were going through hard times with chronic pain and as everyone sat around, it turned into this 'pain 'fest' of these people talking about how miserable they felt and I was glad to sit back and not really say much. At the end, when those pain filled people had left, everyone talked about how exhausting it was to listen to that... I mean usually you wouldn't get all those people together maybe.
When I moved back here in 2012 I had worried for a while what people thought of me. My friends out West saw me go through some of the worst times in my entire life. Beaten into the earth, literally having to crawl upstairs, crawl to the bathroom... It was a horrible time and when I moved back here, I was in a much better place, I had my surgery on my left foot that reconstructed four of my toes. That had helped a great deal, my right foot still needs to be done, but I'll admit, I'm doing much better today than I was.
Or I was doing better. I've written already about what's happened health wise in the last year. It's been my worst year 'health wise' since I've moved back. Despite taking the time off from, well everything I was doing, I don't feel any better.... Well, a bit mentally better, but physically, no.
As much as I wouldn't want to blame my disease process on 'global warming', the temperature swings in the last year take their toll. That's what is happening tonight. The temps going from 0C to +10C or so tomorrow and I can feel it. The barometric pressure is the bitch, and those 'swings really hit me. I feel like I've been beat into the Earth.... I had this vision one time, that I was falling and the heat trailed behind me as I fell... Then when I saw the Lord Of the Rings Movie and the part where Gandalf is falling with the Belrog into the abyss, there's a shot of them falling into the 'inner earth' and the flames are what you see trailing, as they fall towards the inner lake.... That's how I feel. Beaten by the Balrog and falling infinitely...
There's no relief from this, except in sleep. So when bad weather comes along. I hibernate. I'll sleep all day if I have to, it's not productive, it's not healthy, but it's all I have.
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