"I think I should be going..." -
So, wow, last posts appear to be from around 2006.... Though in my 'dashboard' it says some posts were made in 2016... But when I went to the 'main' 'There's No Way Back From Here' page, it only had the 2006 posts....
So I 'left' Facebook. I had for months ahead of 'leaving' been griping vocally both in public and online my growing disdain for 'Social Media'... It had become a necessary evil, having to post for the band, for the station and for the radio show....
When you're at the helm of a radio show that caters mostly to new indie Metal bands, you HAVE to keep up with what's going on, not only locally, but Nationally.
Then with the band, although I'd asked for 'help' from the guys before, I was essentially the one booking, promoting and taking care of all the social media sites for the band.
By mid October 2017, I was at wit's end.
In October one of the band members informed me that he needed time off for the family and I am the only one in the band who'se 'free'... No wife or ex wife, no kids, no mortgage, no debts, no girlfriend... I am free from many of the obligations that the rest of the guys have. So when I was asked to take some time off, well the whole band, I knew it was ok, it was going to be a long hiatus though, from Fall 2017 until maybe Spring 2018. This really took the wind out of my sails and given all I do for the band, the connections, the bookings etc... I took it personally... I didn't think this band member resented me or what I did, I just felt, 'I've done all this stuff, we've got plans and gigs taking us up until Christmas into the new year and now we've got to put it all on hold'... I'll honestly say, I was gutted.
So when that happened, I just shut down. I had no desire to go anywhere or do much. I had no desire to go to the radio station where I work as the music director, I had no desire to do the Crazy Train and well the band was dead in the water, so I didn't have to do anything about that.
I walked away from Facebook, which I'm not at all sad or upset about in any way. Neither of my Brother's use it, my Father doesn't use it... My Sister and Sister in-law both do, but all these people i can keep in touch with by email or phone.... So despite hitting this depression, I was happy to lose |Facebook.
I had begun to feel pressured to keep everything relevant. I had to keep posting for the band, I had to keep posting for the Crazy Train radio show. which also involved being in touch with bands I was playing, was going to play and had played... Messaging all the time....
Not that they came right out, but if I didn't post for the station, I wasn't being a team player... The station is non-profit and does need all the help it can get, but to feel guilty for not posting or sharing something for the station was stressful as well.
I know I had quite a few people on my personal FB account that followed my posts and I feel a little bad for fading away... I've not deleted ANY of these accounts, I've just really walked away from it.
Will I come back? Doubtful... Again, I've lost all desire to contribute to all these things. Although with the band, I am hoping in the new year to get together and record the two last originals we had written, they were some of my favorite ever written in my time as a musician... I was happy with the songs, happy with our shows... But I wasn't happy with the end results. All the promotion, all the leg work then to just have a handful of people show up for gigs and it's not because we suck, it's the state of the local industry. There's only one bar in Fredericton to play at. So we started to edge out into the woods a bit lol, and then we'd end up coming home at like 4:30am.... I'm too old for that shit, which is a chumpy thing to say, because there's plenty older than I am, locally and around the World who are doing what I was doing and more..
It's my arthritis that is the real kick in the nuts.. Has been since it took hold of me. Within the last two / three years, I've done more than I had done in the last decade and it took it's toll on my health.
Like with most diseases, once you add stress and you get tired, you lose sleep, then the disease takes advantage of that. Doing all that I did, as fun as it was, as much as I loved it. I burnt out...
My family was concerned. Of course they were. I'd been so attached to all of these extra curricular activities for over 4 years now. Then in just a phone call/ email, I was done. I was out.
What also kinda made up my mind about not going back to these activities, was that when I left... No one cared.... I've only had a handful of people check up on me. And let me put this straight here. I didn't leave these activities to get attention... but I was kinda taken back that no one cared. No one's written to ask, "Hey, where is the Crazy Train??" Very few wrote to ask, "Hey are you ok?" and only a handful of people when I've run into friends in public have asked about the band... Mind you, it was no secret we'd played some of our 'last shows' until we recorded and produced our album.
It also came to me a few weeks after not doing any Crazy Train shows, all these bands I've supported for the past few years, all the people who told me how much they enjoyed the show.... Nothing, not a word from anyone, so it dawned on me that no one is missing it. No one cares.... Which is disappointing in it's own way...
Going forward.... It's been a great break from all this. No worries about putting the radio show together, no worries about booking the band (and the worries that comes with that)... No worries about being at the station. Each day, most of them since I left everything. I've done not too much. Cleaned up my place, rested. I try to get out for good walks every day... I'd read recently that any amount of walking, no matter how fast or far is super beneficial. WAY more than not walking....
I do dread the coming Winter, but it's coming and nothing can stop that...
I've got plans. I do. In February I'll be heading to Arizona for about a month or so. An old friend who lives in Victoria BC, was super smart and when the US housing market had crashed in around 2007, well she was smart and bought a property in a small town just South of Las Vegas, but it's not in Nevada, but Arizona, in the 'four corners' where four states all meet. I have no plans but to rest there, let the arid nature of the place suck the moisture from my bones. I'd much prefer Egypt of course, but that's not in the cards financially and well it's not one of the safest places on the planet.... But where is aside from my backyard... Even then a vicious squirrel could attack me!
After that, in March/April the band will reunite to record those last two originals... Who knows, maybe we'll do a 'farewell' gig.. I wouldn't mind that... But if we do, I'd like for it to be an event, a spectacle.. A real show.... We'll see....
Beyond on that, I'm tossed between taking an archaeology course at the University of New Brunswick and writing my memoirs. I've got a good chunk of that written, more of an outline than anything... But would anyone buy it? I won't know until I do it...So we'll see...
So that's the scoop, that's where I've been, what I've been up to. I've not officially hung up my hat and left the radio station and radio show. I've got a slew of repeats playing for a while... I know the station is upset it's turned out this way, but in some ways it's their own fault, in other's it's out of their control.
Now that I've left social media for good, though never say never right? It really feels like "There's no way back from here"
So, wow, last posts appear to be from around 2006.... Though in my 'dashboard' it says some posts were made in 2016... But when I went to the 'main' 'There's No Way Back From Here' page, it only had the 2006 posts....
So I 'left' Facebook. I had for months ahead of 'leaving' been griping vocally both in public and online my growing disdain for 'Social Media'... It had become a necessary evil, having to post for the band, for the station and for the radio show....
When you're at the helm of a radio show that caters mostly to new indie Metal bands, you HAVE to keep up with what's going on, not only locally, but Nationally.
Then with the band, although I'd asked for 'help' from the guys before, I was essentially the one booking, promoting and taking care of all the social media sites for the band.
By mid October 2017, I was at wit's end.
In October one of the band members informed me that he needed time off for the family and I am the only one in the band who'se 'free'... No wife or ex wife, no kids, no mortgage, no debts, no girlfriend... I am free from many of the obligations that the rest of the guys have. So when I was asked to take some time off, well the whole band, I knew it was ok, it was going to be a long hiatus though, from Fall 2017 until maybe Spring 2018. This really took the wind out of my sails and given all I do for the band, the connections, the bookings etc... I took it personally... I didn't think this band member resented me or what I did, I just felt, 'I've done all this stuff, we've got plans and gigs taking us up until Christmas into the new year and now we've got to put it all on hold'... I'll honestly say, I was gutted.
So when that happened, I just shut down. I had no desire to go anywhere or do much. I had no desire to go to the radio station where I work as the music director, I had no desire to do the Crazy Train and well the band was dead in the water, so I didn't have to do anything about that.
I walked away from Facebook, which I'm not at all sad or upset about in any way. Neither of my Brother's use it, my Father doesn't use it... My Sister and Sister in-law both do, but all these people i can keep in touch with by email or phone.... So despite hitting this depression, I was happy to lose |Facebook.
I had begun to feel pressured to keep everything relevant. I had to keep posting for the band, I had to keep posting for the Crazy Train radio show. which also involved being in touch with bands I was playing, was going to play and had played... Messaging all the time....
Not that they came right out, but if I didn't post for the station, I wasn't being a team player... The station is non-profit and does need all the help it can get, but to feel guilty for not posting or sharing something for the station was stressful as well.
I know I had quite a few people on my personal FB account that followed my posts and I feel a little bad for fading away... I've not deleted ANY of these accounts, I've just really walked away from it.
Will I come back? Doubtful... Again, I've lost all desire to contribute to all these things. Although with the band, I am hoping in the new year to get together and record the two last originals we had written, they were some of my favorite ever written in my time as a musician... I was happy with the songs, happy with our shows... But I wasn't happy with the end results. All the promotion, all the leg work then to just have a handful of people show up for gigs and it's not because we suck, it's the state of the local industry. There's only one bar in Fredericton to play at. So we started to edge out into the woods a bit lol, and then we'd end up coming home at like 4:30am.... I'm too old for that shit, which is a chumpy thing to say, because there's plenty older than I am, locally and around the World who are doing what I was doing and more..
It's my arthritis that is the real kick in the nuts.. Has been since it took hold of me. Within the last two / three years, I've done more than I had done in the last decade and it took it's toll on my health.
Like with most diseases, once you add stress and you get tired, you lose sleep, then the disease takes advantage of that. Doing all that I did, as fun as it was, as much as I loved it. I burnt out...
My family was concerned. Of course they were. I'd been so attached to all of these extra curricular activities for over 4 years now. Then in just a phone call/ email, I was done. I was out.
What also kinda made up my mind about not going back to these activities, was that when I left... No one cared.... I've only had a handful of people check up on me. And let me put this straight here. I didn't leave these activities to get attention... but I was kinda taken back that no one cared. No one's written to ask, "Hey, where is the Crazy Train??" Very few wrote to ask, "Hey are you ok?" and only a handful of people when I've run into friends in public have asked about the band... Mind you, it was no secret we'd played some of our 'last shows' until we recorded and produced our album.
It also came to me a few weeks after not doing any Crazy Train shows, all these bands I've supported for the past few years, all the people who told me how much they enjoyed the show.... Nothing, not a word from anyone, so it dawned on me that no one is missing it. No one cares.... Which is disappointing in it's own way...
Going forward.... It's been a great break from all this. No worries about putting the radio show together, no worries about booking the band (and the worries that comes with that)... No worries about being at the station. Each day, most of them since I left everything. I've done not too much. Cleaned up my place, rested. I try to get out for good walks every day... I'd read recently that any amount of walking, no matter how fast or far is super beneficial. WAY more than not walking....
I do dread the coming Winter, but it's coming and nothing can stop that...
I've got plans. I do. In February I'll be heading to Arizona for about a month or so. An old friend who lives in Victoria BC, was super smart and when the US housing market had crashed in around 2007, well she was smart and bought a property in a small town just South of Las Vegas, but it's not in Nevada, but Arizona, in the 'four corners' where four states all meet. I have no plans but to rest there, let the arid nature of the place suck the moisture from my bones. I'd much prefer Egypt of course, but that's not in the cards financially and well it's not one of the safest places on the planet.... But where is aside from my backyard... Even then a vicious squirrel could attack me!
After that, in March/April the band will reunite to record those last two originals... Who knows, maybe we'll do a 'farewell' gig.. I wouldn't mind that... But if we do, I'd like for it to be an event, a spectacle.. A real show.... We'll see....
Beyond on that, I'm tossed between taking an archaeology course at the University of New Brunswick and writing my memoirs. I've got a good chunk of that written, more of an outline than anything... But would anyone buy it? I won't know until I do it...So we'll see...
So that's the scoop, that's where I've been, what I've been up to. I've not officially hung up my hat and left the radio station and radio show. I've got a slew of repeats playing for a while... I know the station is upset it's turned out this way, but in some ways it's their own fault, in other's it's out of their control.
Now that I've left social media for good, though never say never right? It really feels like "There's no way back from here"
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