When I was young, I remember quite well walking through the cu-de-sac we lived in with thoughts about "God" religion and the inevitable end. Our family "Anglican", wasn't the most fervent, we went to church each Sunday, attended Sunday school, I even sang for a while in the church choir.
Then like many families ours fell out of religion, we slowly began to only appear at the Chris Church Cathedral (an amazing "gothic" style church dating back to the mid 1800's.) for Easter and Christmas, then just one or the other, then none.
But in my youth before our family lost religion I had pondered about "god" and if it was real or not. I don't know if it was our house or if it was the fact that we had a Loyalist graveyard in our backyard that seemed to steer me towards the "unknown". I do remember in our grandparents side of our family home that I found some small booklets on "Witchcraft" and "magic". My interest in the unknown grew to finding books at the local library on Ghosts and the paranormal. This was when I was around 12-13.
As I grew and my mind sought ever more to cram it full of information and as music entered my life, I gravitated toward the "heavier" "evil" side of music and the influences and beliefs of the musicians I was a fan of soon began to influence what I read and what I believed. H.P. Lovecraft and Clive Barker came into my life. But somewhere, sometime, I lost faith. I no longer believed in an almighty, omniscient creator. I'm a realist, when someone dies, I feel loss, I feel grief but not like others. When my best friends wife passed away, I felt and displayed more grief for him than I did for her. When my Mother passed away, I mourned and again I grieved but not like my Brothers. I'm adopted, so I don't know if that's part of it all. I don't feel loss or confusion about my disbelief, it just seems right to me. I keep feeling about my disbelief that like in Nacho Libre, "I am a man of Science", which I'll more freely put a capital let to than to any "god".
I feel religion is the bane of the Worlds existence, the violence, hatred, terrorism, brainwashing, racism, sexual exploit and abuse that stems from Religion seems to be ever growing and not waning.
When we die, we'll go back to the universe that created us.
Then like many families ours fell out of religion, we slowly began to only appear at the Chris Church Cathedral (an amazing "gothic" style church dating back to the mid 1800's.) for Easter and Christmas, then just one or the other, then none.
But in my youth before our family lost religion I had pondered about "god" and if it was real or not. I don't know if it was our house or if it was the fact that we had a Loyalist graveyard in our backyard that seemed to steer me towards the "unknown". I do remember in our grandparents side of our family home that I found some small booklets on "Witchcraft" and "magic". My interest in the unknown grew to finding books at the local library on Ghosts and the paranormal. This was when I was around 12-13.
As I grew and my mind sought ever more to cram it full of information and as music entered my life, I gravitated toward the "heavier" "evil" side of music and the influences and beliefs of the musicians I was a fan of soon began to influence what I read and what I believed. H.P. Lovecraft and Clive Barker came into my life. But somewhere, sometime, I lost faith. I no longer believed in an almighty, omniscient creator. I'm a realist, when someone dies, I feel loss, I feel grief but not like others. When my best friends wife passed away, I felt and displayed more grief for him than I did for her. When my Mother passed away, I mourned and again I grieved but not like my Brothers. I'm adopted, so I don't know if that's part of it all. I don't feel loss or confusion about my disbelief, it just seems right to me. I keep feeling about my disbelief that like in Nacho Libre, "I am a man of Science", which I'll more freely put a capital let to than to any "god".
I feel religion is the bane of the Worlds existence, the violence, hatred, terrorism, brainwashing, racism, sexual exploit and abuse that stems from Religion seems to be ever growing and not waning.
When we die, we'll go back to the universe that created us.
No comments:
Post a Comment